Need a little fun today? Here are some of my favorite sports quotes

It’s rare when you begin your day with a laugh. Yet I did on Wednesday. And it came via a surprising source: Alabama coach Nick Saban.

Of course, Saban is known for being dour. Yet I watched a video of him telling a funny story at a dinner about his wife, her high school sweetheart (a guy named Mickey Shaffer) and Monongah. Look for it on Twitter. You’ll be glad you did. (I don’t want to spoil the ending.)

It hit home for me because, well, Monongah was my second home as a child. My dad, like Saban, went to Monongah High and played football there, although 10 years earlier. I spent much time at my grandparents’ home in Thoburn/Monongah. So, I called my mom and dad, played the video and asked if they knew this Mickey Shaffer. Thought it would be cool to track him down.

No luck. But then I was lifted again. This time it came from SINow’s Jimmy Traina. He had a simple Twitter request: Give me your all-time favorite sports quote. Again I was smiling.

This, by the way, is my all-time favorite quote, courtesy of sports writer Dan Shaughnessy:

“Defensively the Red Sox are a lot like Stonehenge. They are old, they don’t move, and no one is certain why they are positioned the way they are.”

I still chuckle about it. And I thought, what the heck. Since I’m enjoying this day, let’s spread the fun. Below are some of my other favorite funny sports quotes. Enjoy!

• “I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me score,” former Cleveland Cavalier Ricky Davis.

 

• West Virginia native and coach John McKay on his team’s execution: “I’m in favor of it.”

 

• Reporter to Antoine Walker: “Why do you shoot so many 3’s?”

Walker: “Because there are no 4’s.”

 

• Former NFL running back Leroy Hoard: “Coach, if you need one yard, I’ll get you three yards. If you need five yards, I’ll get you three yards.”

 

• Former Major League baseball player Mickey Rivers: “Ain’t no sense worryin’ about the things you got control over, ’cause if you got control over ’em, ain’t no sense worryin’. And ain’t no sense worryin’ about the things you don’t got control over, ’cause if you don’t got control over ’em, ain’t no sense worryin’.”

 

• Bowler Pete Weber after clinching his fifth U.S. Open: “Who do you think you are, I AM!”

 

• Former N.C. State basketball player Charles Shackleford on shooting the ball: “Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious,”

 

• Ex-NBA great Shaquille O’Neal on his Lakers: “Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.”

 

• Ex-NBA great Wilt Chamberlain: “They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you that practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.”

 

• Jason Kidd after being drafted second overall by the Dallas Mavericks: “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

 

• Former Utah Jazz coach Frank Layden on one of his players: ”I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

 

• Former New Mexico State basketball coach Weldon Drew: “We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.”

 

• Former North Carolina coach Dean Smith: “If you make every game a life and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.”

 

• Former NBA player and commentator Johnny Kerr: “I knew it was time to retire when I was driving down the lane and got called for a three-second violation.”

 

• Former NBA player Mike Gminski about a Nets-Sixers playoff series in which every game was won by the road team: “There’s no place like away.”

 

• Patrick Roy on a particular NHL game’s trash talking: “I can’t hear what Jeremy (Roenick) says, because I’ve got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.”

 

• Golfer Seve Ballesteros, when asked for a detailed analysis of his four-putt at the 1986 Masters: “I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I make.”

 

• Ex-NFL coach Bum Phillips on running back Earl Campbell’s inability to finish a 1-mile run: “When it’s first and a mile, I won’t give it to him.”

 

• MLB great Yogi Berra on a nightclub: “Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.”

 

• And finally, again Berra:

“I never said most of the things I said.”

 

Enjoy your day.

 

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Mitch Vingle covered sports in West Virginia for 38 years. Follow Mitch on Twitter at @MitchVingle and be sure to check out the rest of Wheelhouse Creative’s website for your marketing and advertising needs. If interested, call us at 304-905-6005.